My Kol Nidre Sermon on Letting Go . . .

“Treading Lightly – The Stuff in Our Lives”

 

By Rabbi Cookie Lea Olshein

 

Temple Israel of West Palm Beach

 

Copyright 2012




Kol Nidre Sermon - 2012

  
 

 



 

           Gut yuntif.

           If you were to look inside my car right now, I hope you would see that I have been trying to help a friend of mine help get their elderly aunt’s home ready for sale.  There are a ton of things in the car that are going to Goodwill just as soon as the High Holy Days are over … but, in the spirit of the season, I am going to confess that there just might have been a few things of my own in the back of my car before I added in my friend’s aunt’s belongings.

I’m not quite sure when it started, but before I moved here, the back of my car had become a place where things with unknown homes would go to die … and, since I’ve decided this is also the season of sharing, I have decided to share a few things I recently found in the very back of my car.

[Sharing of Things from “Rabbi Olshein's Box” … items placed on the table as they are explained …]

           Here is a water bottle that still has the cleaning information in it from a conference I attended in 2008 ... which I have never used.

           Here is a container of "Equal Spoonful" ... which I don’t actually use.

           Here is the sermon from the Senior Rabbi at my old congregation from 2009 … it was a really good sermon, but I’m not sure how this ended up in the back of my car.

           Here is a fur collar from an old coat which doesn’t fit me anymore, but somehow made it to the back of my car.

           Here is a cord from my refrigerator from my house in Las Vegas, with the water filter … I have no idea why I kept this, because (as far I know) it can’t be recycled ... the last time I lived there full-time was in 2008.

           Here are a pair of shoes I no longer wear.         

Here is my grade report, from undergrad, from 1987 … I’m not sure why I kept it this long, except to remind me that I received a “B” in my “Introduction to Business” class, which should have been an easy “A”.

           Here is the x-ray from when I broke a needle off in my toe right before traveling to El Salvador to volunteer, which I thought I should frame one day.  That was in 2007.

[Back to Reality]

Every so often, we hear stories on the news, and now via reality TV shows, about people who have so much stuff in their homes, that there is only a path from the front door to back door, so much so that people actually feel trapped in their homes.  They have invested so much into the things that they have, that they have literally boxed themselves into a world they feel as if they cannot escape.

But not everyone is an extremist like we see on the news, thankfully.  There are also people who have homes with so much stuff in them that they are afraid, or embarrassed, to open the door:  to friends, family, and even to strangers.  Heaven forbid something go wrong with the water heater or the sink or the toilet and a contractor would have to come over to fix it … and, yes, I admit, I have even heard myself say it a few times – “no, no, no, no need to come over … why don’t I just bring it to you?”  Or, “why don’t we just go out?” 

Yes, the cases we hear about on the news and in reality TV are often tied to mental illness, but that’s not what I’m talking about tonight.  I’m talking about the random stuff that has accumulated like the box of “random stuff” I have in the back of my car. 

You know that stuff that just seems to accumulate, maybe not in your car, but in your spare room?  Or maybe you have something you call your “junk drawer” … or maybe you have “junk drawers” – plural – or something we could call “the closet we dare not open”?  Or, since there are very few basements here in Florida, perhaps it’s your garage … maybe you can’t put the number of cars in the garage as the garage is advertised to hold?  OK, I know it is ONLY me … for many years, the garage in my house in Vegas held one less car than it was advertised to hold. 

Now listen, I know some of you out there are thinking, “Oh my God, we hired a hoarder.”  No, the new rabbi is not a hoarder.  : )

And I know there are more than a few of you out there who are thinking, “Rabbi, I sure do know people like that, but thankfully, you’re not talking about me.  I am organized and neat and I live by the rule:  ‘A place for everything, and …” everyone, say it with me, “everything in its place.’”  Just so you know, for those of us who DO have a junk drawer or a scary closet, we just can’t understand folks like you. 

[It’s Not Just Physical Clutter that Tie Us Down]

But a discussion about clutter really does apply to everyone, because it’s not just the physical clutter we have in our lives that tie us down … each and every one of us here tonight share what I call “mental clutter” … you could call it, “emotional clutter” … or maybe you prefer the idea of calling it, “relationship clutter,” but we all share it, and that’s in addition to any physical clutter almost all of us have. 

So now that I’ve given you a couple some different options regarding types of clutter, I want to challenge everyone to take a moment and literally close your eyes … now, no one fall asleep while you are doing this … I want you to think about what kind, or kinds, of clutter you have in your life right now? 

How long have you been carrying your clutter around with you?

Or, do you not actually carry it with you, but instead it is tied around your ankle like a ball and chain, with you dragging it from place to place, taking it with you wherever you go?

And then I have to ask … do you want to be carrying your clutter with you?

[PAUSE]

And now, open your eyes.

[Dealing with the Physical Clutter … and What It Represents]

Sometimes, when we think about the clutter in their lives, we do jump to the physical things – we really do jump straight to the stuff, like the stuff in my box … and we have to ask ourselves, why do we keep this physical clutter … why do we keep this random stuff?

There are many reasons we hold onto things … sometimes the clutter we have comes from a sense of obligation.

You see, we might have inherited things from the people we have loved and lost, with all their stuff being added to our own stuff, leading to a sense of obligation we feel to keep it.

Instead, though, what we truly should keep when people are gone are the memories of the people we have lost … not that broken lamp ... or the painting they loved ... or the half-set of dishes that don’t match ours that we never use.

By the way, please note that I am not saying that none of us should not treasure the things we inherit from our loved ones, quite to the contrary, I’m saying we actually should TREASURE the things we inherit from them … but, if we don’t have special feelings about a particular item, like if that chipped bowl in someone else’s pattern is never used, then we should not keep it out of a sense of obligation.

I told you a few minutes ago that my garage in my house in Las Vegas didn’t just house cars – in a strange way, my garage there is a sad place.  To this day, there are things still in that garage that brought my mother joy while she was alive – and now they sit collecting dust in my garage – it is now her things that have gone to my garage in a place so far away to die.

So now, when I’m visiting my house in Las Vegas, every time I see these items, I think about what they represented to her – and all I feel is guilt that I don’t appreciate them the way they deserve to be appreciated ... and that they serve no function, just sitting there in the garage collecting dust.

Authors Suzy Ormond and Marla Cilley, both experts on how we handle our home lives and our stuff, both write that we might want to consider a paradigm shift about how we manage our stuff – that perhaps we should release this stuff if we are not going to use it … and let it bless someone else.

Blessing someone else with things that have lived in my garage for far too long?  Or bless someone else with the stuff that never sees the light of day in my closet?  How about some of the stuff in my not yet unpacked boxes since I moved to Florida, now three months ago? 

Someone else just might find joy in what sits in those boxes and in things I have not used in far too long … and by holding onto these things, these things which are not bringing me joy, I might be keeping someone else from receiving that blessing. 

What’s another reason we might hold onto stuff we don’t need?  We might simply feel overwhelmed about the prospect of going through our things and physically getting rid of the items.

We all lead such busy lives that once something is put aside, it finds a new home, and it now lives “there” … so, if it is comfortable “there,” it becomes OK to leave it “there” … and suddenly we don’t even notice how the garage became full or how the closets are overflowing or how suddenly there is no space under the cabinets any more … and now it becomes too much … I simply can’t do it … it is simply overwhelming … it will never get better … so I am not even going to try.

[The Effects of Paralysis]

Which means it becomes a question of, if I can’t get the house totally clean and spotless, why should I even bother? 

This mentality of perfectionism – only the best will do — becomes paralyzing … our mental clutter affects our physical clutter and paralysis takes over … if I can’t do it all, and do it perfectly, well then, just never mind.

But maybe there is another reason we become collectors of “stuff” … some of us may have lived through the depression, or have been children of the depression which may have given us the idea of “but I might need it later” or “I’m saving it for later” … and when exactly does “later” come?

Before she died, Erma Bombeck wrote that, if she had to do it over again, she would use up that nice perfume she had received as a gift and had been saving for a special time … and the good china?  We don’t use it because the kids are too small and they might break one … but how else are our children going to learn how to handle delicate things?  And those beautiful candles with unburned wicks?  Their purpose for existing is to be burned – to release that special beautiful fragrance hidden inside. 

And that dream antique sports car that we are afraid to drive on the road?  It was made to be driven – not to sit kept in a garage, some might say, just waiting to fulfill its destiny out on the open road.

And what about anything that we might not want to use because we might mess it up?  How many of us have visited homes with plastic on the furniture?

Yes, we should all save for a rainy day, but should we save “that” and “that” and “that” for a rainy day, whatever “that” is for you?

[Dealing with Relationship Clutter]

I can hear some of you saying now, “But, Rabbi, Yom Kippur isn’t about stuff … it’s about people … it’s about relationships … it’s about making amends for the wrongs we have done and working towards being better people, right?”

Yes, that’s true, but how we treat our stuff, and how we let our stuff treat us, can sometimes tell us a lot about how we treat other people.

For example, just like keeping “stuff” out of a sense of obligation, what about the relationships we stay in out of a sense of obligation?

On Rosh HaShanah morning, you heard me quote the biblical verse, love your neighbor as yourself, and then I corrected myself saying, actually, I want you to treat the neighbor better than we treat ourselves, because some of us don’t treat ourselves very well.

Are we in unhealthy relationships out of a sense of obligation? 

I know it is hard to fire a friend, but sometimes friends aren’t really friends and they can be very destructive.  Even worse, sometimes, it is a family member … remember that old line when you are flying on an airplane to put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you.  Sometimes, relationships can be toxic … sometimes we have to save ourselves from destructive obligations in our lives if we are to move forward in a healthy way … yes, we have to fire them in a nice way, only after we’ve tried everything else to salvage a relationship, but sometimes we have to move forward without them in our lives.

[Paralysis in Our Relationships]

And, yes, not only do we sometimes feel paralyzed about dealing with the stuff we have in our lives, sometimes, we feel paralyzed in our relationships as well.

Are we actually having honest conversations with the people we say we love?  Are we telling people when they have hurt us?  Are we communicating honestly about our needs and desires and the things that are important to us?  Or, are we closed down and have we stopped sharing what is truly going on in our heads, and in our hearts … do we feel paralyzed and have we stopped communicating? 

Do we expect all the people in our lives to simply know what we are thinking and feeling?  I mean, really, we’ve lived with them for how many years, don’t they KNOW that what are doing is bothering me … I mean, how could they not know that I don’t like that after all these years?  Why should I have to actually tell them?  Really, if they don’t know already … then I’m not going to tell them … they should just KNOW.

And then the resentment grows and grows and we carry it around with us, sometimes with the other person never even knowing how much pain we are in.  How many of us expect the people in our lives to be mind readers?  How many of us have simply stopped communicating about anything important with the people we say we love?

[I’ll Deal With it Later … But When is Later?] 

And then there are the folks who are the savers of the stuff … I know I’ll need that sometime later, so I don’t want to use it now … I better get a few more in case I need them someday.  Sometimes, the clutter in our relationships with both ourselves, and others, builds that way, too.

So I have to ask … is there something that has been bothering you for a long time that you haven’t talked out?  Do you carry this with you such that it affects your outside life? 

When we say the words of the ASHAMNU, did acknowledging that we all commit the offenses of keeping grudges or being narrow-minded jump out – have we become those stiff-necked people the Torah always warns us of becoming?

Have we let these negative feelings fester to such an extent that the relationships we are in today are not as we would hope … are they still affected by something even someone else may have done years ago? 

I think about all the folks I know who say, “it will get better when” and I think of all the folks I know who say, “I’ll get to that soon” … and I think of all the folks who say, “I’ll go see them soon.”  I hear, “now is not the right time for ___” and then fill in the blank with whatever people say is important to them.

But the reality is that what we say is important to us is not always what is important to us … and what we see as being important to us is not always what we should see as being important to us.

[Reality vs. Perception Regarding How We Rank Things]

If I were to ask everyone to think about what our lives look like and write down the things that are really important to you tonight, I think we would see lots of common things on our lists … I’m guessing that somewhere near the top of that list, I would hope to see the word “family,” with maybe “friends” close by (and, of course, since I’m a Rabbi, I hope I would see “living a good life according to your Jewish values on the list”).

But if I asked you to then open up your calendars on your phones or look at your paper calendars and compare how you spend your time with what you say your priorities are, my guess is that, for far too many of us, the two would not match.

You see, our calendars really show our priorities … they show the stuff with whom we choose to interact … they can tell us how we have chosen to spend our limited time on earth.  In a sad, scary way, our calendar really is our Book of Life.

While we are here, each of needs to tread lightly … of course, we need to tread a little more lightly physically, understanding our relationship to our stuff …

[Each individual item taken out earlier to be put back in the box …]

            I really don’t need this sermon anymore … it can be recycled.

            This water bottle and fur collar should both be donated.

            The refrigerator cord and filter can be thrown away.

            This canister of Equal can be used.

            This pair of shoes can be donated to our new shoe collection drive we are holding on October.

            I’m not sure what to do with my grade report and I really am going to frame that x-ray, but both of them need to go back in the box for right now.

[Treading Lightly in Our Relationships]

But more than we need to be careful about the physical stuff in our lives, we also need to tread lightly in our relationships with both ourselves and others. 

We need to understand that, as we choose to spend time with another person, or other people, we deserve to be treated well, just as they deserve to be treated well, too, which becomes easy once we truly take the time to love our neighbor as ourselves. 

Throughout this HHDs season, I have referred to the phrase from Pirke Avot, al shloshah d’varim, on three things the world stands, al haTorah, on Torah and learning, v’al haAvodah, on worship and service to God and others, v’al g’milut chasadim, and on acts of loving-kindness.   And for the world and, yes, I’m also talking about our own little personal worlds, these three must remain in balance.

But as I said before, it must start with the relationships inside each and every one of us.  We must let go of the harm we are holding inside … the negative feelings that only hold us back and, to the outside world, they might not even be known.  We must release the hurt, we must release the anger, we must release the guilt … we must show ourselves acts of loving-kindness. 

For if we do not dare tread lightly on our own souls, why should anyone else bother?

Yes, it is Kol Nidre … now is the time to let go … now is the time for letting go both physically and emotionally … just imagine … if we can make this happen … imagine how each of us can transform our lives into what we say we want them to be. 

Gut yuntif.

My Rosh HaShanah Evening Sermon on Different Kinds of Learning ...

“A Willingness to Learn”

By Rabbi Cookie Lea Olshein

Temple Israel of West Palm Beach

Copyright 2012

 

Erev Rosh HaShanah Sermon – 2012

 

Gut yuntif.

Before attending rabbinical school, I was part of a group that met each week to study the Torah portion of the week.  The group was part of my synagogue, but no rabbi attended, so our eldest, most knowledgeable, participant prepared each week and took charge.

Al was then in his 70’s … he had grown up orthodox, attending cheder [orthodox religious school] as a child, and was later introduced to Reform Judaism by his grown daughters.  He embraced the idea that we could challenge what was in the Torah and it was with him that I first read the Torah all the way through, having attended Torah study every week for an entire year.  It was truly a Shehechiyanu moment for me.

Later, while I was in rabbinical school, I was able to come home and work at my home congregation in Las Vegas for 4 full-time summers and two academic years, and it was then that I became the teacher and Al became my student … but no matter the title conferred on either of us, both of us always said we learned from, and with, each other.

In my last position in Austin, Texas, I had the honor, and responsibility, of meeting with all the B’nai Mitzvah students to help them learn about their Torah portion and help them write their very first D’var Torah. 

During that first meeting, I would ask them, “What is a D’var Torah?” to which they would always say, “It’s my speech.” 

It was then I had to tell them that a D’var Torah is not a speech … and then we would talk about what the words actually mean.

Like lots of words in Hebrew, the word d’var, can mean more than one thing … actually, it can actually mean the word, “thing,” in addition to meaning “word.”  Then I would ask the kids, but what does the word “Torah” mean?

Pretty much all of the kids said it meant the “Five Books of Moses” and I would get to tell them they were sorta’ correct … yes, that is what A Torah is, but what does the word “Torah” itself actually mean?

After helping them understand that some people say the word Torah is related to the Hebrew word Morah, which means teacher, we would work our way backwards to understanding that Torah can also be translated into several different English words … for example, it can mean “Instruction” or “Teaching” or “Doctrine” … and that on the day they became a bar or bat mitzvah, they were going to give things of instruction or words of instruction to the community, in other words, they were going to be writing a lesson and they were going to be the teacher that day. 

And, in order to become the best teacher possible, they were going to have to learn everything they could about their Torah portion … together, we were going to learn from, and with, each other and then, on their big day, they were going to get to be the teacher.

 

[Formal vs. Informal Learning]

Today marks my 11 week anniversary here at Temple Israel … and, during this short period, I’ve been spending my time doing two kinds of learning from, and with, lots of people here. 

The formal learning I’ve been doing has consisted of adult education classes and Torah study throughout the summer and, for the kids, Religious School began this past week.  By the way, this is a great time to plug Temple Israel’s fabulous adult education program, Temple Israel Learns … you should have received the catalog in the mail by now – if not, make sure to pick one up while you’re here.  Take a look at it and you’ll find classes on so many subjects, like hands-on art classes and art appreciation classes, music appreciation, meditation, yoga, classes on social justice issues, information on our book group, TI Reads, and, of course, lots of fun classes on different aspects of Judaism … I’m even teaching a Hebrew class for people who think they can’t learn Hebrew … anything sound interesting, yet? 

But probably much more difficult than the formal learning we choose to do like taking classes through TI Learns is the informal learning each of us needs to do just to navigate our lives. 

 

[Informal Learning … “What Makes People Tick”]

For me, the informal learning I’ve been doing this summer here at Temple Israel has been so much more than just learning people’s names … it has been about learning about the culture of Temple Israel and figuring out how to avoid accidental potholes … I’ve been trying to figure out people’s passions and interests, what they want help in making a success, what makes our congregation tick, what ticks people off, and how can I help them understand that, if I don’t happen to be doing exactly the same thing that’s always been done, perhaps I might have a reason for doing it … this is the hard kind of informal learning going on in my daily life … it’s probably not so different than the relationships in yours.

What’s another way of looking at informal learning about relationships?

Informal learning is sometimes that kind of learning you might say happens TO you after the fact, only after looking backwards, as we might say, with hindsight.  It might even be a kind of accidental learning, a kind of learning you didn’t do willingly, perhaps even a kind of learning you did more learning from an experience rather than learning during the experience?  It’s that kind of learning where you wish you had a roadmap or a manual or a set of instructions to look at before starting on the journey … oh wait, we Jews do have that, it’s that life instruction manual we have called the Torah … the Torah instructs us regarding how we are supposed to treat ourselves and others.

 

[Learning About, and From, Torah]

One of the things I love about learning Torah is that, fundamentally, it is a story about community. 

It is the story of a man who took his entire family and set off on a journey to an unknown to a land that God would show him and his descendants. 

It is the story about a community figuring out who they were, and who they could become. 

It is the story about a community of people learning how to live according to shared values. 

It is the story about people taking on the obligation to care for each other. 

It is a story about relationships, both good and bad … it is about mending relationships … it is about understanding that one’s tribe or family is a priority, while understanding that those not part of the tribe still matter. 

The Torah is an instruction manual for life.

 

[You Have to Actually Read the Instruction Manual for It to Be Helpful]

But have you ever tried to put something together without reading the instruction manual?  How about putting an IKEA bookshelf together without at least looking at the pictures?  All those little pieces can feel overwhelming. 

That little instruction manual comes right in the box, but for it to be useful we have to pick it up and read it, maybe even twice or three times or four, we have to really digest it, pick it apart and figure out what parts make sense to apply to your life, and put its teachings into action.

Otherwise, as my B’nai Mitzvah kids used to say, the Torah is just a book.

As I have been getting to know our very special k’hilah k’doshah, our holy community, I have been listening intently to learn about your frustrations, hopes, and priorities … best of all, I have heard a tremendous sense of optimism as we try to discover things we can do to help Temple Israel build upon its successes of the past and become an even stronger community than it has been in recent days.

As I sit with so many of you, I am cognizant of the need to learn from Temple Israel’s past, and, together, we are learning to take the chance to become a renewed Temple Israel, just a little bit different than we were before.  We are learning together to take a few risks to step outside of the box that has a label on it that says, “the way we’ve always done it” … and we have even tried a few things again that might not have worked in the past, this time trying to learn from our mistakes and approach things from a slightly different angle. 

As we continue to experiment, though, please know that I’m pretty certain we are going to make a few mistakes along the way, but I am thrilled with the passion I have heard and experienced regarding a willingness to simply “try.”

Yes, all you have to do is look at me to know that I am different than all of Temple Israel’s prior rabbis ... but I want you to know that I have a willingness to work hard and learn from, and with, you, just as I have seen a willingness from so many of you to learn more about the Rabbi you selected to lead this congregation.

 

[“Different” Can Be Difficult, But Sometimes Necessary, to Move Forward] 

With that in mind, and in the spirit of the holidays, I’m going to ask you all for a favor … if you decide you’re not quite sure whether I’m doing something “the right way,” meaning the way it’s always been done, I ask you to stop for a moment and consider that different isn’t always wrong (and I’m working on remembering that, too, not just in my work life, but in my personal life as well).  We all have to remember that different isn’t necessarily bad, sometimes different is just different … and, yes, sometimes, different can be a great learning opportunity for everyone. 

Growing up in Georgia, my momma taught me a great old maxim which makes even more sense from an organizational perspective now that I’m a grow-up … she said, “If you always do what you always did, you always get what you always got.”  This brilliant simple lesson she taught me is perfect for the HHDs season … in other words, we must be willing to examine our prior actions enough to figure out if and when a change should be made.

Here at Temple Israel, we are being very intentional about making the few changes we have made so far.  For example, there might be a few things that sound just a little bit different this HHDs season … we are intentionally moving Temple Israel toward a more mainstream-Reform-sounding Amidah, so tonight’s Amidah might have sounded a little bit different than you remember … but, once you get used to the very slight liturgical changes being introduced, I promise it will be easier when you travel to other Reform synagogues. 

And then there is the change of the Shabbat service time … and the new philosophy and structure surrounding celebrating Shabbat. 

You know, Temple Israel has been through a lot of different service times in the past 12 years, and I know this because our great Executive Director, Linda Solomon, gave me the times for the past 12 years … and, from speaking with lots of members, we’ve learned a lot about service times … we’ve learned that families believe 730pm is too late for bedtime, which is why it has been a rarity to see children at services.

We’ve also learned that people like the idea of making an “evening out” of seeing their friends and praying as a community, so we are working on creating an entire “Shabbat experience.”  To that end, Michael Jonas brought us the idea of a pre-service Oneg, which we call a “Proneg” as a way of having a light bite and maybe a glass of wine, to help folks wind down from the busy week before Shabbat services. 

With a 530pm Proneg, people can come straight from work and have something to tide them over until after services at 630pm, then they can stay for our fabulous dessert Oneg.  But, 6:30 is also flexible enough so that, if someone wants to go home after work, they can pick up their family and still have time to come back for services … and we’ve learned that people who like to eat dinner after services can do that, too.  Being both family-friendly and adult friendly … we’re trying to learn from our experience about what people say is important to them and we’re trying something new to see how it works out … together, we are learning to be open to taking some risks.

Temple Israel is also being intentional about helping members learn how decisions are made and how things get done around here.  In seven sessions from February to May, we will be inviting interested folks to participate in our new Leadership Development Program, chaired by our Past President, Roslyn Leopold.  The goal of this program is to give people an insider’s view regarding how Temple Israel works: how our Committees get things done, how the Board is selected, and how we will be working together with other Jewish institutions in the future to strengthen the entire Jewish community, so please consider stepping outside of your box and trying something new this winter … please let me and Roslyn know if you are interested.  We think this will be a wonderful learning opportunity for everyone involved and can only strengthen Temple Israel and secure its future.

 

[The World Stands on Three Things:  Torah, Worship, and Acts of Lovingkindness]

There is a wonderful, often-quoted, line from a section of the Talmud called Pirkei Avot, which is usually translated as the “Ethics of our Fathers,” which says the following:

Al shlosha d’varim ha-olam omeid:  On three things, the world stands … al haTorah, v’al haAvodah, v’al G’milut Chasadim:  the world stands on three things:  on Torah study, which means learning, on worship (or service) to God, and on acts of loving-kindness.

The sages taught that, when the second Temple was destroyed, there was no place for the sacrifices God had commanded us to do to be performed.  In their stead, and I would say thankfully, our way of communicating with God, showing God respect, and continuing our relationship with God, changed from acts of sacrifice to these three acts upon which the world stands:  acts of studying Torah, that is, learning about our relationships with ourselves and others; acts of worship or service to God; and acts of loving-kindness.  Like a three-legged stool, we are taught that all three of these are needed to maintain balance in our relationship with God.

Tomorrow morning, we will discuss the second of these three items on which the world stands:  what it means to be in service to God and, on Kol Nidre, we will discuss the third item, the impact of acts of loving-kindness for ourselves, our families, and the greater world. 

Tonight, though, when you leave, I want you to think about Torah being an instruction manual for our lives, and how we can incorporate Jewish values and traditions into how we make decisions, how we act, how we treat others each and every day … .

I want you to think about how we can incorporate intentional, proactive learning into our daily lives and how intentional, proactive learning can bring greater meaning to how we see the world … .

I want you to think about how we can learn from, and with, each other in order to better navigate the world in our personal lives … I want you to think about how we can learn to appreciate differences we find in others and the things that make each of us unique … and I want you to think about how we can learn new things together and move forward united as a stronger community.

Yes, even though it’s only been 11 weeks, I’ve already learned so much from, and with, so many of you … as we continue to learn together, maybe taking a few risks here and there along the way, stepping outside our comfort zones along the way, and maybe, just maybe, if we are willing to check out God’s little instruction manual every once in a while, I think we’re in for one heck of a ride.

Gut yuntif.

My Morning Rosh HaShanah Sermon on the Working Poor and Our Obligation to Help Our Neighbors ...

“Lighting Up the Neighborhood”

By Rabbi Cookie Lea Olshein

Temple Israel of West Palm Beach

Copyright 2012

 

Rosh HaShanah Morning Sermon – 2012

 

            Gut yuntif.

            I want to start this morning by telling you a story about a little girl I know. 

She’s from a nice middle class family, her dad has a special skill and works for a government contractor and her mom stays at home, volunteering with the PTA and running a troop of Brownies and being the team mom for her son’s little league baseball team. 

They live in a medium-sized house in the suburbs and have two cars, one a couple years old and the second a few years older than that. 

They have reasonably nice, but not too extravagant, furniture in their medium-sized house, and the kids get new toys on a somewhat regular basis, but not so often that they are spoiled.

But then dad loses his job through no fault of his own … and the bottom falls out of their family financially.

This is the story of a family that had done everything right … they actually had the recommended 6 months of savings in the bank … and, still, everything fell apart.

To make ends meet, mom babysits kids all day, every day, in their home.  Dad takes a job working in another field, at a salary significantly lower than his skilled trade paid, just to try to make ends meet.

But no matter how much they both work, things get worse and worse over time … they tighten their belts, but they can never seem to catch up … and, even though they both work, and even though they had the suggested 6 months’ savings in the bank just like they were supposed to … even though … .

And so they go to get food stamps … and every once in a while they receive government surplus food like green beans in great big, huge cans and jars of peanut butter and boxes of dry milk … and when the little girl is asked what her favorite food is, she answers:  “Government Cheese,” saying, “nothing makes a grilled cheese sandwich like government cheese.”

The people I’m describing are the working poor, people who struggle to make ends meet and keep food on the table, even though they work hard every day to do everything right for their families.  They pay taxes and they volunteer in their community but, in their “new normal,” they just can’t seem to get ahead.

 

[What Does it Mean to Serve God?]

Last night, I introduced a piece of text from Pirke Avot, often called the Ethics of Our Fathers, which says, Al shlosha d’varim haolam omeid:  On three things the world stands:  Al hatorah, on the study of Torah (and learning);  v’al ha’avodah, and on worship or service to God;  v’al g’milut chasadim, and on acts of lovingkindness.

We talked about learning last night … this morning, we focus on the word, avodah, yet another Hebrew word with more than one meaning.

When hearing avodah, I first think of the word “worship” as its translation, but then again, I’m a rabbi.  I think most non-rabbis, though, would initially translate the word as “work” … avodah is your sorta’ plain ordinary work … it’s your “job.”  That doesn’t sound much like worship, does it?

And then there's my favorite definition for avodah … I love translating avodah as service.  I like that being “in service to others” for God’s sake is one of the three things necessary for our world to be in balance.

Worship, work, and service … three very different definitions for a single Hebrew word.

I once asked a group of kids which one of these three God might want us to do the most of … and almost all said worship.  They all thought God wanted us to pray more than anything else.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I love seeing all of your faces out there this morning, but if I could only do one thing to express my Judaism, I would think of the Haftarah text we read on Yom Kippur from the book of Isaiah … when God, speaking through Isaiah, says:

 

-       Is this the fast I have chosen?  A day of self-affliction?

-       Bowing your head like a reed, and covering yourself with sackcloth and ashes?

-       Is not [instead] THIS the fast I have chosen:

-       To unlock the shackles of injustice, to loosen the ropes of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to tear every yoke apart?

-       Surely it is to share your bread with the hungry, and to bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover them, never withdrawing yourself from your own kin.

 

When I read a prophet like Isaiah, who in modern times we would just think of as schizophrenic or just plain crazy, I hear God saying we have a call to action greater than fasting on Yom Kippur … my mind immediately goes to verses from the Torah about how we choose to treat each other, thinking not just about the people we already know, but also the people we not only don’t already know, but also probably people we really don’t WANT to know.

 

[Sources in Support of Our Obligation to Act in Service to Each Other and God]

            I hear this verse in my head:  “Am I my brother’s keeper?” [i]  And then I hear the unspoken answer, “Of course, I am.”

And I hear this verse in my head:  “Love your neighbor as yourself” [ii] … although I think that some of us might need to love our neighbors better than we love ourselves, because some of us don’t treat ourselves very well.

            And I hear this verse in my head:   “Do not stand idly by while your neighbor bleeds.” [iii]

            And, because of this focus on how we treat our neighbors, I have been forced to ask myself … who is my neighbor?  Why do I have to treat them so well?  Why should I feel obligated to do anything for a stranger?

            One simple answer is repeated over and over again in the Torah … because you were strangers in the land of Egypt and you didn’t like it so much when no one stood up for you … you didn’t like it so much when no one helped you … and if you didn’t like it, don’t do it to anyone else.

 

[Who are the People in Temple Israel’s Neighborhood?]

So let’s take a look at our neighborhood here at Temple Israel, zip code 33407 … or, as the old Sesame Street song goes, “who are the people in the neighborhood?”

I’m sure all of you know this, but I recently learned that the neighborhood next to where Temple Israel sits is called “Pleasant City,” right near the now-revitalizing area of Northwood … so close to us, where so many of the people in our neighborhood are struggling, that maybe it isn’t so “pleasant.” 

25% of Temple Israel’s zip code lives in poverty.  The median per capita income in this zip code is around $18,000 per year and over 50% of the people in our neighborhood are eligible for food stamps.[iv]  These are people living in a darkened world.

For months now, our partner, CROS Ministries had been planning to open a new West Palm Beach Food Pantry, at a multicultural center just 4 blocks from Temple Israel … but, even though the Food Pantry had been requested to be put in Pleasant City by city officials because of desperate need in our area, a different city agency is now questioning whether CROS’ efforts would draw additional homeless people to the area … and now the plan is on the backburner. 

Consequently, and until this food pantry is allowed to open, people in West Palm still have to figure out how to get to Lake Worth or Riviera Beach because of the “not in my back yard” issues.   By the way, you should know that only 2% of the people served by CROS food pantries are actually homeless since food pantries generally have very little ready-to-eat, no-cooking-required food … you should also know that all of CROS’ food pantries primarily serve people already in the neighborhood or in neighboring communities. 

But what really gets me is that having a food pantry in the neighborhood could actually help revitalize the area … if people could get food so they can eat, perhaps crime would go down … and when children receive proper nutrition, they might even pass in school.  Sounds like a “win-win” to me.

 

[The National Circles Campaign]

            Recently, I attended a "poverty simulation game” sponsored by the Center for Family Services of Palm Beach County, introducing a new program called the National Circles Campaign.  The simulation was held at a community center maybe two miles from here, but in reality, it was a lifetime away.

            The “game” if you will, went like this … each person was assigned a role to play simulating a month in the life of a real family … everyone had a role and my role was to be the 8 year old daughter of a single mom with two kids.  Because it was a poverty simulation, of course, the expenses of the family outweighed the income, but the best thing about the simulation was that it helped explain how a low-income makes choices, week by week, and how they move through “the system.”

            For example, try getting yourself to a government agency which is only open from 8:30-5:00 when you actually ARE a working person. 

And what if you are in line, but you haven’t been helped, and the clock turns 5?  Too bad, you are told to come back tomorrow … and that’s possibly another day not working. 

Or how about getting yourself to the County Human Services office because you can’t pay your rent and being told they can only give you $50?

Or how about trying to get food stamps?  Most people don’t apply until they are already desperate … and then, if they are eligible, it takes1-2 months before you get them.  What are you supposed to do to feed your kids between now and then?

            And, by the way, if you do qualify, the average is $31 per person in the household per week … how many of us can eat an even-close-to-healthy diet on $31 per week?  I tried to figure it out based on what I usually eat and I couldn’t do it.  I am a pretty good little shopper and I would have run out before the week ended.

            So how do you navigate the maze of getting yourself out of the cycle of poverty?

The National Circles Campaign creates circles of people in poverty working with middle and upper-middle class allies on their journey towards self-sufficiency.

The program works like this:  what if we trained people choosing to get out of poverty to learn the hidden rules of socio-economic classes?  What if we taught them how these hidden rules can serve as barriers to effective communication and advancement?  What if we helped them understand the long-term ramifications that poverty has on their health, their children’s future, and their communities?  What if we helped people develop a plan for a stable, secure future for their family?

I think about what a simple concept this is … and yet how profound. 

Already in 70 cities, I think participating in a program like this is really one of the most true examples of loving your neighbor as yourself, and not standing by while your neighbor bleeds … if we but choose to help to break the cycle of poverty one family at a time.

 

[Can We Ever Really Walk a Mile in Someone Else’s Shoes?]

            I can hear some of your voices in my head right now … “but Rabbi, didn’t a lot of these folks make bad choices and shouldn’t they suffer the ramifications of their bad choices?  Why is it my responsibility to help them?”

            Yep, some of them made some really bad choices.  Absolutely, they did. 

But there’s an old saying … never judge someone else until you walk a mile in their shoes … but I’m pretty sure none of us want someone else judging every choice we make regarding how we spend our money and, really, what it comes down to is that no one can really walk in someone else’s shoes.

Which brings me back to that story of the little girl at the beginning of my talk. 

 

That little girl was me. 

 

My dad was a union aircraft mechanic who was laid off for four years and, thankfully, got a job at our synagogue being sort of the Assistant Building Manager, which was probably someone like Earnton’s supervisor, but he did all of Earnton’s job, too. 

My family got food stamps and my favorite food in the entire world is government cheese.

It could happen to anyone. 

Anyone in this room … anyone in this neighborhood … anyone in your neighborhoods. 

My parents were amazing people who worked hard to raise good kids and who were hit by a job loss and a recession.

Our Christian friends and neighbors use the phrase, “there but the grace of God go I,” but in Judaism, we aren’t passive saying, “thank you that we have not been affected,” because when one of God’s children is affected, all of us should feel affected.

 

[A Call to Action]

And so, as we stand together during this holiday season, no, this holy day season, where we believe we will be judged by our actions … our action or inaction of whether we shared our bread with the hungry, our action or inaction of whether we housed the homeless, our action or inaction of whether we clothed the naked … I ask you to consider some very simple things you can do to help alleviate hunger in our community, you might even call it your fairly painless "High Holy Days' To Do List”:

 

-       Buy an extra … when something nutritious is on sale, buy an extra and leave it in your car for your next trip to Temple Israel.  Or, when you see a buy-one-get-one-free deal, bring the second one when you come … after all, that mitzvah wouldn’t even cost you a penny.

-       When you are thinking about donating food, consider the staples that we will be focusing on each month for the food pantry … think about things like dry milk, beans, peanut butter, tuna, 2 pound bags of rice … and think about cleaning out your pantry between now and Yom Kippur and bringing in not just one bag, but two or three … when I volunteered at the Riviera Beach Food Pantry recently, I learned that a family of four gets two bags of food … only once every two months at the Riviera pantry because they get 50-60 families each day they are open … if they had more food, they could open more often and they could give food out to a family in need every month.

-       But, if you prefer to “do Jewish” from your house with your giving instead of giving to CROS, donate to Mazon, the Jewish response to hunger.  You can find them at www.mazon.org on the internet and make a direct donation there.

-       On the other hand, if you want to make sure your gift stays really “local,” the best thing you can do is to donate to CROS.  While CROS is sorting out the politics, we will be helping them get ready to open the new West Palm Beach Food Pantry with our Annual High Holy Days' Food Drive, and then helping to restock them throughout the year with our special donation “focus item” each month … and, because Temple Israel is taking on the responsibility of being a “Founding Supporting Congregation,” I’d love for folks to think about bringing even one can of something to each meeting you attend, think about bringing one package of mac and cheese to services each time you come, and think about bringing a package of dry beans to every class you take.  To most of us in this room, it’s not much, but to one of those children who make up 40% of the clients of the Riviera food pantry, it could be the difference between going to bed with a full stomach … or going to bed hungry.

 

Well, I’ve outed myself. 

 

I went through my early life knowing poverty as it exists in America pretty well … and I know some of you out there did, too … but no matter how bad we think our situation is currently, all of us here are probably better off than our neighbors and there is still something we can give to help end poverty and its effects.  For the Circles Campaign, it is the gift of time.  For our hungry neighbors, including the working poor, we can donate food and volunteer in the new Pantry when it opens.  You see, we do have the power to lighten our neighbors' darkened world.

 

[There are No Valid Excuses for Not Acting]

Remember, no child ever caused him- or herself to be poor or to be hungry.  Poverty and hunger are never the fault of a child.  Never.  Not ever.

And no matter whose fault you think these things might be, no child should ever have to go to bed hungry in any of our neighborhoods.  My family was lucky that we sorta’, eventually, figured out how to manage with our “new normal” … but not all families can figure this out on their own. 

Sometimes families need a little help through difficult times and sometimes they need a little help up … and it is up to us, as Jews, to do it because, if nothing else, because we know it’s the right thing to do … it is the right thing to do to be in service to God by being in service to those in need.

 

But if that doesn’t motivate you, try this … we should all help because we never know who one of those kids in our neighborhood might turn out to be … she could turn out to be your new rabbi.

 

Gut yuntif.

 

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[i] Genesis 4:9.

[ii]  Leviticus 19:18.

[iii] Leviticus 19:16.

[iv] Interview with Reverend Pam Cahoon, Director of CROS Ministries.